Scratching My Cornea

There is a particular evil to scratching your eye that I have never experienced before. On Friday I took out my contacts and, according to my doctor, I happened to take out a chunk of my eyeball right along with it. This, my friends, is a singular horror that I wouldn't wish upon anyone! Instead of spending my weekend being productive and doing renovations on our new house, I was forced to sit in a dark room with my eyes closed with the uncomfortable sensation of an ice pick resting beneath my eyelid, digging into my eyeball flesh with each movement I made.

Oh, I can hear you saying "but Jessica, wasn't it nice to relax for the weekend and just kick up your feet and not have to worry about being an adult?" No. No it wasn't, and I'll tell you why.

Normally when you are sick, I will acknowledge that it's a little bit nice. You can binge watch Netflix and Youtube shows while forcing your significant other to bring you food and water (or perhaps wine) all while blissfully ignoring any kind of responsibilities on your plate. However, scratching your eye is a completely different beast all together. You can't watch tv or your eye will freak out. You can't look at your phone or your eye will freak out. You can't even READ or your eye will freak out!! Can you imagine!?

Lemme tell you, I got really familiar with some audiobooks (although I really dislike audiobooks - it takes away from the imagination for me) and then when I actually got into the book, I had to stop it because I want to actually read it myself. Then I found these lovely things called dramatized audio books - they're a revelation! It's like books adapted for radio - some of it is the actual text, but a lot of it is just adapted and voice actors act that shit out for a microphone! Pretty enjoyable, I have to say.

So that's how I spent my weekend. Laying in my bedroom with all the lights off, a pillow over my face, with my headphones on listening to voice actors dramatizing Pride and Prejudice for my auditory enjoyment.

It sucked.

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